Wittertainment Correspondance

My sister and I have both written in to the BBC's Flagship film and entertainment radio show - or something like that!  We are both proud of each other's epistles so I thought it would be useful to have them here for posterity:

From: E********* G****
Date: 25 March 2013 20:49:02 GMT
To: mayo@bbc.co.uk
Subject: Wittertainment- Worst cinema experience

Dear Danny and Fozzie,

I was prompted to finally email in a cinema story that has haunted me
a number of years by a surprise mini shout out in last weeks show; I
am the occupational therapist who tom conway, your listener undergoing
a craniotomy, made reference to as visiting him on the hospital ward
just to say hi to jason Issacs. I want to say thanks to tom as it was
a joy to finally merge the working and wittertainment worlds and I
eagerly await the production of the wittertainment badges so i can
wear one to work in the hopes of sparking many more jason related
conversations in the future.

My worst cinema experience to date goes as follows- A few years ago my
friends and I went to our local generic cinema complex to watch high
school musical 3. Filled with efron excitement we took our places with
me choosing the aisle seat which I thought was a wise decision at the
time- oh how wrong I was. Just as the BBFC logo appeared on the screen
the women across the aisle from me leant over and proceeded to
projectile vomit across the gangway space between us. The people in
other rows fled form the smell but my friends and I were trapped by a
blockade of sick. The perpetrator's friend rushed to summon a poor
cinema worker who was forced to clean up the debris (they may not have
projectionists at these chains but they don't have an easy life) but
sadly the smell lingered on.

This event would have been distressing enough on its own (and also a
quite unfair review of the movie) but the real horror of the episode
was that the woman didnt then leave the cinema, not even to go and
rinse her mouth out, resulting in me, and the rest of the audience
enduring a nervous 2 hours wondering if it would happen again and if
it wasn't for my love of zac and the gang I may have been forced to
leave myself out of a fear that next time she may get me.

Therefore I am writing to request an amendment to the wittertainment
code of conduct along the lines of- if you show any signs of illness
at the cinema that for your own good and for the good of the rest of
the audience you forfeit your ticket price and leave.

Thank you
May I also say a quick hi and thank you to my sister catherine for
introducing me to the podcast and for being my faithful wittertainment
ally for many years.


Lizzie Greg
BA English and Philosophy
Bsc Occupational Therapy

PS. Mark, I went to the girls equivalent of your school- stop
pretending that you didn't have a privileged education.

------- Original Message --------
Subject:    Time Space Continuum Magic Wittertainment
Date:    Tue, 19 Nov 2013 17:11:46 +0000
From:    C******** K*******
To:    mayo@bbc.co.uk

Dear Time and Space Continuum,

Long time (PotC3 - the review in Cannes), first time (at last!).  I have
just been listening to a podcast in which you read out an email from
Drew Turnee/Turner.  The podcast in question is 12 July 2013 and Drew
questions whether there are other witertainees who are as far behind as
he - January 2013.  I feel like a dedicated wittertainee, and as
wonderful as marriage has been for me for a year and a half, it has
resulted in me being about 5 months behind. I can't bring myself to skip
up to date, I have to listen to each podcast in full.

I am a primary school teacher and my big catch up times have turned out
to be when I am on a course which I get to walk or cycle to which has
now happened three times including today, and some strange time space
continuum coincidences have happened each time.

1.  I went on the course last spring and on the way I listened to a
podcast (from January 2013) in which Mark was described as
sesquipadalian.  On the course (which was about teaching phonics) the
course leader wrote up three words which we had to read and then she
asked if we knew the meaning.  The third word was sesquipadalian and so
going very red I told her what you had told me that morning through my
headphones.

2. At the beginning of September as I headed to the course again, I
listened to you come up with the idea of Well Done U and I finished my
session with you saying if we never hear of it again we can guess what's
happened.  That evening I put on 5Live in the Live manner that the name
suggests to hear you advertising for us to tune in this week to hear a
big announcement. Lo and behold... Well Done U was happening, about four
months after first suggested although only days after I'd first heard
about it.

3. Today, when you discuss the magic effects of your Wimbledon time
shift, (including Simon guessing the card in Now You See Me which I had
just bought on DVD for my husband and we both enjoyed.  Yes, your
programme isn't about films or spying or sharks as I never really act on
Mark's reviews!), you read Drew's email out about being behind on
podcasts so I decide it's finally time to email these spooky
coincidences. Although as you pointed out in the podcast it would be a
long time before the subject was brought up again, and an even longer
time till Drew or I ever know if this is read out.

Many thanks to you two for the delayed hours of wittertainment, and also
thanks to my wittertainee sister, Lizzie, who keeps me up to date with
the big Wittertainment news and patiently joins in when I say 'Do you
remember the bit when...' from 6 months behind.

Love the show Steve,

Catherine
A few qualifications but too British to say

PS I finished the email and went back to the washing up, leaving the
email unsent, for me to proof read shortly when yet again, a coincidence
occurs:

4.  You read out an email from Tom Conway, who said he may be remembered
as the listener who had had brain surgery a few months before.  Well, my
previously mentioned sister, Lizzie, was an occupational therapist on
his ward at the time of his op, and being an up-to-date wittertainment
listener was able to go to speak to him about you guys.  Tom emailed
after that and mentioned my sister. She then emailed the show and
mentioned her worst cinematic experience - in brief, when the patron
next to her threw up at the beginning of the film, but didn't leave the
theatre - she told it a lot better. Sadly the week she emailed it was a
pair of understudies in the show, so we will never know whether her
email would have been worthy of reading out. (BTW is there anyone else
who finds the lovely tones of Zoe Ball and Jo Whiley indistinguishable?!)
My questions is, will we be two sisters whose Wittertainment epistles go
unread?

PPS - Hello to Jason Isaacs.  One of only two Habs boys I can feel proud of.